Even with public trust at an all-time low, Wikipedia continues to maintain people’s confidence. How do they do it? Former CEO of Wikimedia Foundation Katherine Maher delves into the transparent, adaptable and community-building ways the online encyclopedia brings free and reliable information to the public — while also accounting for bias and difference of opinion. “The seeds of our disagreement can actually become the roots of our common purpose,” she says.
Tag: L&D Email
-
The likability dilemma for women leaders
When women lead, bias often follows. Documentarian Robin Hauser dives into the dilemma between competence and likability faced by women in leadership roles, detangling the unconscious beliefs and gendered thinking that distort what it means to be a good leader.
-
5 tips for dealing with meeting overload
Could this meeting have been an email? The phenomenon of “calendar creep,” where meetings completely take over your work days, is wasting time, energy and productivity — but you can take back control. Leadership expert Cindy Solomon shares her five tips for clearing up your schedule and getting your calendar to work for you, not against you.
-
Want to truly succeed? Lift others up while you climb
It’s up to all of us to create a more inclusive and diverse workplace. No matter where you are in your career journey, it’s essential that you help others grow, even as you are growing yourself, says ACLU Chief Equity Officer Amber Hikes. She lays out three ways we can help each other succeed — and empower and advance those who historically have been left behind.
-
Embrace your raw, strange magic
The way we’re taught to live has got to change, says author Casey Gerald. Too often, we hide parts of ourselves in order to fit in, win praise, be accepted. But at what cost? In this inspiring talk, Gerald shares the personal sacrifices he made to attain success in the upper echelons of American society — and shows why it’s time for us to have the courage to live in the raw, strange magic of ourselves.
-
The secret to great opportunities? The person you haven’t met yet
We often find ourselves stuck in narrow social circles with similar people. What habits confine us, and how can we break them? Organizational psychologist Tanya Menon considers how we can be more intentional about expanding our social universes — and how it can lead to new ideas and opportunities.
-
Comparing yourself to others is a sure route to misery — 5 ways to turn it into action instead
Adapted from the new book Big Feelings: How to Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay by Liz Fosslien and Mollie West Duffy, in agreement with Portfolio, an imprint of Penguin Publishing Group, a division of Penguin Random House LLC. Copyright © Liz Fosslien and Mollie West Duffy, 2022.
We all experience feelings that are difficult to handle. But between our emotion-phobic society and the debilitating uncertainty of modern times, we usually don’t know how to talk about them, much less handle them.
Well, that’s where the online community of Liz Fosslien and Mollie West Duffy — the duo behind the @lizandmollie Instagram account — comes in. They, like so many creators, have built a place where people can gather to laugh and cry about things like productivity guilt, anxiety and Zoom fatigue. Below, Fosslien and Duffy offer tools to help you understand the feelings that arise when you compare yourself to other people and start to move forward from them.
Left unchecked, comparison can make you miserable. Seeing people be better at something than you are can feel like a vicious uprooting. But with the right tools, you can use your envy to uncover what you value.
Here’s how to take your envy, decode it and turn it into positive action:
1. Listen to your strongest triggers
Twenty years ago, while waiting for coffee to brew, a young lawyer flipped through her law school’s alumni magazine. When she read about an alum who was a full-time writer, her stomach dropped like an elevator – but that’s what led Gretchen Rubin, now a New York Times bestselling author, to pursue a new career as an author.
That’s right – her career change didn’t happen because of a conversation with her boss or visits with a life coach. It happened because she felt desperately envious of someone else’s life. Comparison can teach you what you value when you see yourself envying someone doing something you want, even if you haven’t consciously allowed yourself to want it.
Self-awareness can help you turn your feelings into something useful, so the next time envy rears its head, ask yourself:
• What do they have that makes me feel less than?
• What void do I believe having it would fill?
• Do I really want what they have?
• If yes, how much, and is it worth taking action to try to get it for myself?
The more specific your answers, the better you’ll be able to redirect your emotion into actions and strategies.
2. Make sure your envy doesn’t become malicious
Comparison-induced envy can be a great motivator and guide. It can also make us bitter.
Psychologists distinguish between benign envy, when we admire someone and try to emulate them, and malicious envy, when we dislike the other person for having what we want. It’s the difference between “They have a penthouse apartment, and it’s cool how they got it” and “I hate that their home has panoramic views, and I want them to suffer.”
To be clear: Both are painful. Benign envy motivates us to work harder to improve, while malicious envy makes us nasty.
We often feel malicious envy when we perceive scarcity. But in many cases, another person’s ability to achieve something is evidence that it’s possible for us, too.
To shift your thinking from malicious to benign envy, try these phrases that we heard from reader Aya:
• “I’m inspired by _____. Maybe I can learn from them, or ask them to be my mentor.”
• “I haven’t done what they’ve done . . . yet.”
• “Every person is on their own journey. I’m grateful for mine.”
• “If my favorite role models stopped what they were doing, I wouldn’t be able to enjoy their incredible work.”
3. Pick a broader baseline
If you see a friend hitting a personal milestone, it’s easy to feel you’re far behind in life. But if you think of 10 or 20 of your acquaintances, chances are a bunch will be in the same boat as you – and might even be happily sailing along.
In an experiment, researchers asked people to assess their running abilities. They found that participants spontaneously compared themselves with the best runner they could think of and deemed themselves not so great. The researchers then prompted the participants to list the top 10 runners they knew personally. By reflecting on the seventh- or ninth-best runner they had rubbed shoulders with, people suddenly felt a lot better. Comparing themselves with a broader group diminished the enormous gulf between themselves and what they thought of as “good.”
Psychologists also find that broadening your perspective can be helpful when you experience what they call deprivation intolerance: when you don’t get what you want and that causes you to plunge into a pit of despair.
The next time you desperately covet what someone else has, swap out the question “Why don’t I have that?” with “Do I have enough?”
Chances are, you can survive without whatever it is you pine for, and not having it has no impact on your worth as a person.
4. Compare the nitty-gritty
A few years ago, Liz learned that a friend-of-a-friend had been promoted and would soon be leading a team of 200 people. Liz was overcome with envy. “Does my jealousy mean I should shift all my plans?” she wondered. “Have I been wrong about who I am and what I want?”
But the next morning, Liz awoke with the certainty that she didn’t want to trade places with her acquaintance. She wasn’t actually longing for the day-to-day that came with being a manager of managers; she just wanted the prestige and social validation of announcing a big, exciting accomplishment.
Thinking through a day-in-the-life helped Liz realize that she didn’t need to shift her entire career but instead should keep going in her current path and look for more opportunities to become more visible.
Here’s a list of questions that can help you make better comparisons:
• What would a day-in-the-life look like?
• What specific pieces of that life do I want?
• What specific pieces of that life do I not want?
• What experience does this person have?
• Is this comparison based on some imagined/ better version of myself or other people’s/ society’s expectation of me?
• Am I willing to give up the good things in my current life to have that?
5. Compare present you against past you
You may not always be exactly where you want to be, but chances are you’re not where you used to be, either. Pausing to take stock of your accomplishments – and the skills you’ve developed as a result – can help you feel proud of your progress and untangle yourself from malicious envy.
Though reader Eliza has always loved mountains, she avoided running or hiking because her asthma left her at a disadvantage compared with her peers. In her late twenties, she finally decided to go for it, even if that meant going for it at a slower pace.
“I will never be able to hike as fast as others,” she told us. “I’ll always be slower because of my low lung capacity. The only person I can and should compare myself to is me.” Eliza’s persistence and new attitude paid off: Just before her 30th birthday, she completed a five-day hike.
A simple way to make this type of self-comparison a habit is to take a few minutes at the end of each month to reflect on these prompts:
• What have I learned over the past few weeks?
• What was difficult, and how would I approach it differently given what I know now?
• What progress did I make?
Yes, comparing yourself with others is unavoidable, but by applying some of this advice, you can learn to use it to your advantage. Remember that you only see the tip of the iceberg, especially on social media – someone whose life seems perfect on Instagram may be dealing with struggles that you’re completely unaware of. One last good rule of thumb is to balance comparing up (looking at people who have more than you) with comparing down (looking at those who are worse off than you).
-
Ever say “I’ll be happy when …?” Here’s why you need to stop doing that — now
This post was first published on Ingrid Fetell Lee’s site, The Aesthetics of Joy. Go there, and learn about how you can build more joy into your life.
It was the summer of 2002, and I was sitting around a campfire with my college boyfriend and some of his friends.
He was a year younger than me and headed back to school in the fall; I was moving to Washington DC, for my first job. Even though we were spinning off in different directions, we weren’t quite ready for it to end. On a whim I said, “Let’s go to Iceland!”
“Iceland?” he said, looking at me strangely.
“Yeah! It’s beautiful there, and I want to see the Northern Lights.”
I can’t remember his exact reply, but it was not enthusiastic. We broke up two months later.
Iceland was a symbol of a lot of things for me. It was an indicator of compatibility, but it was also a thing I believed I needed to do with a partner. And finding a partner was the one thing that I truly felt I needed in order to be happy in life.
This habit of saying “I’ll be happy when …” is far more insidious than it seems on the surface.
In fact, whenever anything good happened to me, I thought, “Sure, this is nice, but I’ll be happy when I find a partner.”
When I found a beautiful new apartment, I envisioned all the dinner parties that I could host if I just had the right person to host them with. “I’ll be happy when I can find someone to share this place with,” I thought.
When I got a promotion, I went out for drinks with my friends and thought, “I’ll be happy when I’m not the only one sitting here single.”
And as I saw my coupled friends share their vacations on social media while I went home to visit my family yet again, I thought, “I’ll be happy when I finally find someone who will go to Iceland with me.”
And there they are, those four joy-killing little words: “I’ll be happy when …”
You might have said them yourself, or you might be better acquainted with their cousins “When I get through ____________, I’ll feel better” or “If I just had ______________, life would be great.”
We say these words all the time casually, carelessly. They seem innocuous enough, just an expression of a desire or dream. But in fact, this habit of saying “I’ll be happy when …” is far more insidious than it seems on the surface.
That’s because “I’ll be happy when …” isn’t just a phrase. It’s a mindset — and that mindset keeps us waiting for happiness instead of cultivating joy in our lives right now.
Reaching a milestone can feel good, but eventually we start to look for the next milestone, and then we’re back to thinking “I’ll be happy when …” all over again.
Happiness and joy are not the same thing
We often use the words “happiness” and “joy” interchangeably, but in fact they’re different things — and I find it really helps to pull them apart.
Happiness is a broad evaluation of how we feel about our lives over time. It’s synonymous with what psychologists call “subjective well-being” and encompasses a range of different factors, including how we feel about our health and our work, whether we feel we have meaning and purpose in life and how connected we feel to other people.
If happiness is how we feel about our lives over time, joy is how we feel in the moment. Joy is an intense, momentary burst of positive emotion. We can tell we’re experiencing joy because we feel it in our bodies as well as our minds. We smile and laugh, our posture opens, and we may feel warm or light. Joy makes us feel like the best version of ourselves — energized, invigorated, and alive.
Because happiness is somewhat big and complex, it’s not always easy to know what will make us happy. Many of us have been conditioned to see happiness as tied to certain big milestones in life, such as finding a partner, getting a promotion, buying a house, having a child. We tell ourselves that securing these things will complete the puzzle and give us our “happily ever after.” But the reality is, we’re not always especially good at predicting what will make us happy.
Research has shown that while happiness tends to spike in the wake of this kind of big life event, it tends to return to its natural set point not long after. Reaching a milestone can feel good, but eventually we start to look for the next milestone, and then we’re back to thinking “I’ll be happy when …” all over again.
It’s also important to note that we don’t actually have a lot of control about how or when these big things happen to us. And the problem is when we fixate on these milestones, it can sabotage the joy we find in our lives right now.
In other words: In our pursuit of happiness, we end up postponing joy.
Every time we say to ourselves “I’ll be happy when …” what we’re really saying is “I can’t be happy now.”
How?
We put off spending time with the people we love to put in overtime at work so we can get that raise.
We don’t have time for hobbies because we have to take on side hustle to get ahead in our career.
We don’t decorate our rental apartment because we want to save every single penny for a down payment, but in the meantime we live in a boring blank box.
We put off the trip to Iceland until we have the right partner to go with. But then as we scroll through our Instagram feed, it feels like everyone else is living life while we’re just sitting on the sidelines.
Focusing on uncertain life events takes away our power to create joy in the present. Every time you say to yourself “I’ll be happy when …” what you’re really saying is “I can’t be happy now.” And if you can’t be happy now, because you’re missing some essential ingredient for the perfect life, then why bother trying?
The habit of saying “I’ll be happy when …” keeps us waiting for life to happen to us instead of creating a life we want right now. It makes us passive and stuck, like we’re watching a TV show about our life and looking to see what the writers have come up with for the next episode instead of being active and realizing that we are the creators of our own life. It keeps us wishing and searching instead of enjoying and living.
The habit of saying “I’ll be happy when …” keeps us wishing and searching instead of enjoying and living.
Here’s how I stopped waiting for happiness
In 2011, I’d been dating someone for most of a year and it wasn’t going very well. I took him to Bermuda for my childhood best friend’s wedding, and while I was doing bridesmaid things, he downed a bunch of dark-n-stormys in town with strangers and showed up to the ceremony drunk. Things went downhill from there. As I was trying to figure out if the relationship could be salvaged, one day I suggested, “Let’s go to Iceland!” The lack of enthusiasm I was met with felt familiar.
Two days later, I booked a New Year’s trip to Iceland — by myself. “You can come if you want,” I said to the boyfriend. “You just need to book a ticket.”
We broke up a few weeks later, and come New Year’s, I was traversing lava fields and soaking in geothermal pools by my lonesome.
What do you think happened when I finally took that trip to Iceland after nearly 10 years of thinking about it? I found joy!
I reached out to an artist I had profiled, and we met at an art museum. She ended up inviting me to her family’s New Year’s celebration, and I watched the fireworks explode over Reykjavik with three generations of Icelanders. I ate fish and chips and scribbled in my journal. I booked a trip to Snæfellsnes, which ended with spiked hot chocolate and singing carols with a crowd of farmers in an inn. I made new friends on my Iceland trip, and I visited two of them just a few years ago in Copenhagen. And I finally got to see the Northern Lights, which were more magical than I had imagined.
Even though moments of joy are small, they do something significant: They expand our world.
So often we dismiss joy because it seems like a distraction from the big happiness we’re hoping for. But even though moments of joy are small, they do something significant: They expand our world.
I think sometimes when we’re waiting for happiness, we freeze in place. It’s as if we’re stranded on a deserted island and we don’t want to move because we’re worried that the thing we’re hoping for (the rescue plane) might not be able to find us.
But what I’ve learned about leaning into the present rather than waiting for the future is that something unexpected always happens. Sometimes it’s adventure, and then you’re left with memories you never would’ve had if you’d just waited for happiness to find you. Other times, we find new friends, new opportunities, new inspiration — things that may actually help you get to the happiness you’re seeking faster or help you uncover a new definition of happiness.
And whether that happiness comes sooner or later, in the meantime you’re living a full life, one that is rich in joy.
Now, when I catch myself saying some version of “I’ll be happy when …” I try to imagine myself in the future, looking back on right now.
So what are you waiting for?
All that said, I can’t pretend I never say “I’ll be happy when …” Certainly, during these pandemic years, I found myself fantasizing about what it would be like to take my baby to a cafe or a music class without ever having to think about COVID.
But I’ve realized that waiting for happiness is a habit, and like any other habit, we can break it. Now, when I catch myself saying some version of “I’ll be happy when …” I try to imagine myself in the future, looking back on right now.
Then I ask myself: “How will I wish I’d used this time?” Asking this question always brings me back to joy, because the answer is never “Waiting for things to change.” Usually, it’s more like “Living the best version of my life as it is right now.”
See, waiting for happiness is often rooted in a kind of perfectionism, which works backwards from an imagined perfect life and measures everything else against it. Anything that falls short of that so-called perfect life is a disappointment. And since perfection is unattainable, even when you do get the thing you were hoping for, you’re constantly operating at a deficit.
Joy, on the other hand, starts where you are. Joy begins with a beautifully imperfect life and asks: How can we can make this life more vibrant, more fun, more full of the things that make us excited to wake up in the morning? It’s a creative mindset, not a comparing one.
I went to Iceland again in 2016, five years after that solo trip — this time with my husband Albert. We saw puffins nesting in the side of a cliff, foraged for wild bilberries, and went to Elf School. And you know what? That trip was better simply because I’d been there before. New memories mingled with old, and I had the joy of getting to introduce the person I loved to a place that was special to me. I was so glad I hadn’t waited.
Is there something that you’re waiting for before you can be happy? What would happen if you stopped waiting and started creating joy right now?
-
The 5 best morning routine ideas of highly-productive people
A good morning routine sets the productivity tone for the day. But is it really as simple as a morning ritual and a healthy breakfast? After analyzing the advice and morning routines of six top productivity experts, we’ve pinpointed the most common practices of successful people for a productive morning. No matter how much chaos happens when your eyes open, know this: A morning routine for better productivity is a learnable science.
1. Wake up at YOUR right time
“Morning people” are supposed to be the high achievers. The early bird is supposed to catch the worm, right? And a cold shower to wake up? Groan. Where’s the snooze button on that? Can the early (or late) hours you sleep really make a difference?
One 2021 academic study found that waking up just one hour earlier was associated with a 23% lower depression rate. While some people who wake up earlier are more productive, night owls can still have a perfect morning routine that leads to a productive day. Think of it like breakfast and brunch. They’re both delicious, and they both work if you’re hungry.
Mike Vardy, productivity author, speaker, podcaster, and blogger at Productivityist, wrote, “Look, I’m a night owl—and proud of it. Why? Because despite having many say that my sleeping habits make me less likely to achieve, I prove them wrong. I don’t just do that every once in a while. I do it every single day.” The most important thing isn’t what time you get out of bed. It’s getting in tune with your body’s clock for a good routine.
According to Sleep.org, your body knows what it should be doing and when. Don’t force yourself to be part of the 5:00 a.m. club if you can’t fall asleep before midnight. Forcing yourself out of bed is a recipe for burnout. If you’re not a morning person, your body will only work with you for a few days before it begs for mercy.
Good ol’ science can help you find your most productive time of day.
2. Prepare the night before to eliminate morning decision making
Many productivity experts and successful people spend evenings preparing for the next day. Their recommendation: It leaves mornings free for an early start on important work (and breakfast).
Subscribe to the idea that an a.m. routine can start in the p.m. Lay out your outfit for the next day. Pack your lunch. And create your checklist or a to-do list. Former American Express CEO Kenneth Chenault told Fast Company they end their evenings writing three things they want to accomplish the next day. We have a limited amount of willpower and decision-making ability. Too many decisions in the morning slow us down and drain our brain for the rest of the day. Eliminate morning decision-making for more energy and more time for productivity.
3. Create a morning routine to focus your mind
Erik Fisher is the voice behind the Beyond The To-Do List Podcast. He’s interviewed over 100 different productivity experts on topics like lifehacking, work-life balance, and creativity. He points out that if you analyze productivity experts’ morning routines, you’ll find a few things in common. Most focus on big picture goals, gratitude, and planning for the day.
Productivity coach Zack Sexton’s morning routine looks like this:
- Water (20oz. often w/ lemon)
- Cuddles (w/ fiancée Nikida)
- Coffee
- Meditation
- Read something inspirational (often in sauna)
- Shower (if sauna-ed)
- Look at calendar
- Start first journal entry (including prompts about something learned, things to be grateful for, and what to focus on for the day)
Set your mind on what you want to focus on for the day, and set your heart and mind with the right attitude. Kevin Kruse, author of 15 Secrets Successful People Know About Time Management, starts their morning with five minutes of yoga stretches that accompany:
- Mental recitation of their personal mission statement
- Listing three items of gratitude
- Repetition of their three goals: Health, wealth, and love
Kevin thinks of what tasks he’ll do that day to help achieve each goal. “All that takes about five minutes,” he says.
You don’t need a lengthy meditation routine. Yoga, meditation, journaling, reading, or a quiet walk can help you focus on a positive outcome for the day.
4. Move around and hydrate in the morning
When you feel great, it makes it easier to handle the morning alarm clock. If it’s hard just get out of bed, you probably won’t be excited to run to the gym—and that’s ok. Simply moving your body will get your blood flowing and help get your day started.
Many successful people start their mornings in motion. Follow their lead to add some health to your life:
- Kevin Kruse does a daily 20-minute HIIT session on the treadmill.
- Jack Dorsey, founder of Block, Inc., jogs every morning.
- Howard Schultz, CEO of Starbucks, bikes.
- Congresswoman and House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi powerwalks before work.
- Entrepreneur Gary Vaynerchuk works out with a personal trainer.
- Shark Tank investor Kevin O’Leary gets on his elliptical or exercise bike.
- Multi-board member Frits Dirk van Paasschen runs 10 miles every morning.
While you’re moving, stay hydrated. What you put in your mug matters. Drink water in the morning to kickstart your day and give you lasting energy.
Jeff Sanders, author of The 5 AM Miracle and host of the podcast with the same name, says his favorite morning habit is to drink one liter of water within the first 45 minutes of bouncing out of bed. “Hydration is incredibly important, especially after waking up. I always find that this larger quantity of water provides incredible energy and prepares my body for the day ahead.”
5. Eat the frog—or tadpole—first thing in the morning
Brian Tracy, author of Eat That Frog! 21 Great Ways To Stop Procrastinating And Get More Done In Less Time, bases his morning philosophy off of a quote from Mark Twain. “If the first thing you do each morning is to eat a live frog, you can go through the day with the satisfaction of knowing that that is probably the worst thing that is going to happen to you all day long.”
The “frog” is your most important task or work—the one you’re dreading the most because it’s large and looming over you. Build the habit of doing your biggest task first for a huge boost of accomplishment first thing.
But procrastination is real, making it even harder to get your day started. Whether you eat the frog or tackle some small tadpoles first, find your ideal morning routine rhythm and get started.
Create your ideal morning routine for a productive day
Mornings don’t have to be rough, and you can learn to become more productive throughout the day. No need to overhaul your morning routine all at once; introduce one new practice a week and track your improvement. They say if you win the morning, you win the day.
-
An ER doctor on triaging your “crazy busy” life
How do doctors in the emergency room stay calm and focused amidst the chaos? Drawing on years of experience, ER doctor Darria Long shares a straightforward framework to help you take back control and feel less overwhelmed when life starts to get “crazy busy.”